The doctors initially gave him two months to live. A stoma bag operation rerouting waste into a colostomy bag attached to his stomach also sped up the chemotherapy process. In his backbone, doctors placed a tube that connected to his stomach, which flushed away excess water and stopped the migraines, vomiting and anxiety attacks. However, his mum chose to hide the severity of the cancer from Khairul until late December by then, he had gone through four chemotherapy sessions. It was not until he was hospitalised at Singapore General Hospital last September and underwent scans that doctors soon found out he had Stage 4 colon cancer as well as a fist-sized tumour in his brain. Each time he was there however, doctors diagnosed him with severe migraine.ĭespite medications and injections, his condition continued to worsen – from developing tinnitus, he soon lost his hearing on the right ear and developed double vision, alongside anxiety attacks. Khairul’s life took a turn for the worse last year, when he was sent to the emergency department of Khoo Teck Phuat Hospital seven times. You can’t tell everyone to understand you but you can engage them and through that, hopefully they will change and realise you are a normal person.” From contour to cancer “If you want to be different, you must be prepared for the consequences. To that, Khairul understands people might not accept him because they do not know his background. He embraces his androgyny but is aware of the backlash he may receive from the public. What you identify yourself as doesn’t really matter – if I know you as your name, as a person, I’m willing to accept whoever you are.”
“We all have the same purpose in life: to find love. “Knowing that you are gay or lesbian is some kind of formality, but I feel that it’s more of the connection and communication with one another.” The same rejection of labelling comes when he discusses his sexuality, preferring not to let the gay label control who he has feelings for. I don’t have that kind of ability,” he mused. Khairul recalled accompanying his drag queen friend Vanda Miss Joaquim to her residency at popular gay bar Tantric and witnessing her receiving criticism from fellow gay men to change up her look. He also spoke of the troubles of being a drag queen in Singapore. Sometimes, I don’t block out my eyebrows depending on the look.” I wouldn’t want to deny that my makeup is drag-inspired I also like to do face paint. “I like to dwell in both masculine and feminine worlds. He doesn’t consider himself to be a drag queen however, preferring to describe his style as androgynous, citing creatives such as Philip Treacy and Alexander McQueen as his inspirations. From the Final Fantasy-inspired epithet “Flower Fallal”, his names tell a story of emptiness (“Petals Fallen”), an empowerment of negativity (“Flaring Gold”), spreading love to others (“Pollen Pixies”) and conquering personal battles through love (“Venus Scepter”). The names represent different aspects of his life, he says – a testament to a tale of a flower in bloom. Coincidentally, it sparked the birth of Khairul’s alter-ego, diving into an exploration of sexuality, self and appearance that would see him repeatedly change the moniker of his other self. Greeting us in his Sembawang apartment, Khairul was fresh off playing a video game he counts Final Fantasy among his favourites.
Why should we depend on someone to encourage us? If you’re born alone and dying alone, that answers it all – you’re supposed to go through this life yourself,” said the 23-year-old National Serviceman to Coconuts Singapore. Photo: Muhammad Khairul Ikhwan Sayson Facebook page
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